Bloodthirsty Butchers (1970)

‘Did you know that Mary Ann’s mother has an incurable disease?’

Barber Sweeney Todd specialises in providing close shaves for patrons with money and little chance of being missed. The corpses go to local baker, Mrs Lovett, who makes them into pies, which are popular with the unknowing locals. But their business arrangements come under threat when Sweeney’s drunken wife becomes suspicious of his relationship with a young singer…

Andy Milligan was a notorious low-budget filmmaker, famous (in his fashion) for hopelessly amateurish productions, usually shot in New York or on Staten Island. The horror film was his preferred playground, and a trunk of tatty, old theatrical costumes meant a Victorian period setting was almost inevitable for all of his films. So, the fictional story of the demon barber of Fleet Street was a perfect fit for him and the result was this film, which was one of five he released in 1970.

Milligan’s take on the old ‘penny dreadful’ (first published in 1846) differs in a few ways from other cinematic versions, mainly due to his limited budget. Rather than have Todd (John Miranda) pull a lever to send his victims to the basement, which connects with the pie shop of Mrs Lovett (Jane Hilary), he simply polishes them off in the barber’s chair instead, closing the curtains first to guarantee that no one accidentally walks in on his bloody deeds. Lovett’s establishment now includes an invalid husband (Jonathan Holt), a sinister assistant (Berwick Kaler) and a pretty young shop girl (Annabella Wood) who’s too busy thinking about her sailor boyfriend (Michael Cox) to worry that clumps of hair (and other body parts) are turning up in customer’s groceries.

All in all, it’s not a hopeless setup, but what distinguishes the film is the sheer incompetence of Milligan’s direction, and the complete absence of any production budget. For a start, Milligan chooses to frame his shots in awkward, partial close-ups with the cast sometimes so close to the camera lens that they throw shadows across it! Editing within scenes is also hopelessly clumsy, although its obvious some of the cuts are necessary to hide the non-existent gore effects. Camera movement is often a little odd too, as if shaking the camera so much is actually the result of some kind of nervous medical condition. There’s no lighting so some scenes are played in semi-darkness and the sound is simply what was recorded at the time of filming. Music is obviously sourced from a library, but there are some bizarre choices with ‘renaissance fair’ strains playing almost throughout (l thought this was supposed to be Victorian London, not King Arthur’s Camelot).

Roger McGuinn’s solo career hadn’t really worked out since he left The Byrds.

Leaving aside the dreadful technical deficiencies, you would be forgiven for expecting an appalling collection of cod English accents, but actually most of the performers were British, and they are a good deal more naturalistic than Milligan’s usual players. It appears that some of the film was actually shot in London, something shared by several other of Milligan’s projects of the time. I would initially be a little sceptical about that, of course, but the presence of actors from this side of the pond seems to bear it out.

The dual locations may also go to explain some of the eccentric framing and shot selection; perhaps certain of the dialogue exchanges were actually pick-up material filmed back in New York and Milligan had to mask the fact that it didn’t match the original settings. Or perhaps I am giving him too much credit.

Most of the cast did get other acting work (for a change) and native New Yorker Marina probably reached the peak of his career with his role as ’2nd Garbageman’ in ‘Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home’ (1986). Others, like Todd’s wife Linda Driver and lover Susan Cassidy never acted outside a Milligan project, which is perhaps just as well.

This is a truly woeful effort, which it’s even difficult to enjoy on a ‘so bad, it’s good’ level. The pacing is completely random, and the dreary script often seems merely to consist of characters endlessly whining and then choosing to solve all their domestic difficulties with a meat cleaver.

Like one of Mrs Lovett’s pies, it’s a bit hard to stomach.

Guru, The Mad Monk (1970)

‘So you have chosen Igor for your friend!’

Father Guru’s ministry on a prison island involves dispensing torture and punishment as well as the more usual ecclesiastical services.

Filmed entirely in a New York downtown church, this was shot by low budget auteur Andy Milligan to play with his already completed picture ‘The Body Beneath’ (1969). It’s a typical ‘homemade’ Milligan picture really; a period setting conveyed with tatty costumes, dreadful performances by an amateur cast, crude effects, clumsy editing and ugly photography. Having said all that, Neil Flanagan has some charisma in the title role, although his chats with his ‘evil’ self in the mirror are pretty banal.

It’s livelier than the usual Milligan picture, although various anonymous characters turning up one after another just to be killed off doesn’t really advance the plot too much. Guru has a mistress called Olga who has become a vampire after being bit by something or other. Jacqueline Webb delivers the character’s dialogue as if she’s desperate to get the horrible words out of her mouth as quickly as possible. Her approach to the role is in perfect tune with the pantomime flavour of the whole enterprise. Someone really should have told Jack Spencer to remember that he’s supposed to be a hunchback at all times and to make a decision on whether he’s going to put on a silly voice or speak normally.

What do you mean these scissors look a bit 1970s?

The climax is wonderfully incoherent with Guru somehow getting tangled up in a bell rope and hunchback Igor magically escaping after having his hands nailed into the wall.

And what exactly is the title supposed to mean? Guru isn’t a monk at all, he’s a priest! Still you can’t escape too much from a writer who is credited with the ‘sreenplay’ at the start of the movie…