‘My gosh, it would be a dirty trick if my comet landed on top of us.’
What appears to be a rogue meteorite falling to Earth turns out to be a rocket sent from a civilisation on one of Jupiter’s moons. The United Worlds of the Solar System send top space ranger Rocky Jones and his crew to investigate, but when they arrive they find a renegade Earth scientist who is up to no good…
Yes, we’re back in the cardboard world of mid-1950’s American TV with three early episodes of syndicated series ‘Rocky Jones, Space Ranger’ combined into a full-length feature. The programme ran for two seasons with 39 episodes in total and was just about as ‘apple pie’ as only a show from that era can be. Rocky is played by hunky Richard Crane with a twinkle in one eye and a ready flash of his pearly whites. His crew consists of ‘wacky’ sidekick Winky (Scotty Beckett), token ‘girl’ Vena (Sally Mansfield), old scientist Professor Newton (Maurice Cass) and annoying moppet Bobby (Robert Lyden).
This time around they’re off to Fornax (one of the lesser known of Jupiter’s moons) where leader Zoravac (Walter Coy) is preparing to wage war on Earth at the prompting of rogue scientist Professor Cardos (Nestor Paiva). He’s been filling Cory’s head with all sorts of nonsense about Earthmen but one grin from Rocky and the king realises the error of his ways. Paiva then attempts to align with galactic villainess Cleolanta (Patsy Parsons) but how can they possibly prevail against Rocky and his brave crew?
Almost inevitably, to a modern audience, these ‘features’ are far more a reflection of their times than actual entertainment. Unfortunately, this has fewer points of interest than most of the ‘Rocky Jones’ entries. Yes, there is actual location filming (almost five minutes’ worth!) which is a bit of a shock to the system, but elsewhere it’s the usual static, relentlessly talkie drama in poorly dressed, interchangeable sets. The gloriously wicked Parsons only gets one scene (booo!), and Vena is also mostly side-lined, which means there’s little opportunity for Rocky’s usual brand of hilarious sexism.
‘If you want, I can show you some other designs’.
Having said that, gravity on Fornax is twice that on Earth and, although it doesn’t seem to affect the crew in any way (other than getting a bit tired), it does allow our square-jawed hero to make some witty comments about Vena’s sudden weight gain. Pleasingly, she’s completely confused by the whole concept. Women, eh? On the bright side, she does get a new dress on Fornax, which makes her look like she’s auditioning for a low-budget movie opposite Sinbad the Sailor.
Some of the technology is impressive, though: the Visiograph allows our hero to watch scenes happening elsewhere in the imperial palace (and I thought it was just for communications), and there are some lovely comfy chairs and seat belts to counteract the G-forces during blast off. There’s also a fair amount of rather silly technobabble and, combined with the fact that Rocky works for the United Worlds of the Solar System, leads us to one inevitable conclusion. This show was the inspiration for ‘Star Trek’!
A couple of casting changes were forced on the show at the end of the first season. Cass died of a heart attack and was replaced by Reginald Sheffield as Professor Mayberry. Beckett, once a child star, had a reputation as a serious drinker and a gambler who refused to pay his debts. Given that Mansfield had a ‘morality’ clause that didn’t allow her to get pregnant (weren’t the 1950s an enlightened time?!), it’s no surprise that Beckett soon got his marching orders. Various run-ins with Johnny Law followed, including fraud, carrying a concealed weapon, drunkenness, drink driving, possession of controlled substances, drug smuggling, and shooting it out with the Mexican police. He died in 1968 after being severely beaten, although it’s unclear whether that caused his death or it came from a suicide cocktail of drink and pills. He was only 38 years old.
One of the duller entries in the ‘Rocky Jones’ universe, which ticks all the expected boxes. And that can’t be a good thing.
Mark David Welsh 