So 2014 bites the big one and I’m left to pick through the wreckage of battered old VHS boxes, bargain bin DVDs and dubious downloads. By my count, I watched about 240 movies. And I have to confess to being a little disappointed. A lot of what I saw was terrible – of course! – but a lot of it was just plain dull. Maybe my bumper success in tracking down some of the worst of the worst last year rather spoiled me!
Anyway, the roll of shame for 2014 is as follows. I’ve tried to put them in some kind of order as usual, beginning with the very worst but I didn’t sweat it too much. Special kudos this year to Al Adamson – 2 in the Top 10!
01. Space Mutiny (1988) (d. David Winters/Neal Sundstrom)
02. Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970) (d. Al Adamson)
03. The Clones of Bruce Lee (1980) (d. Joseph Velasco)
04. The Alien Dead (1980) (d. Fred Olen Ray)
05. Quest for the Mighty Sword (1990) (d. Joe D’Amato)
06. The Astro-Zombies (1968) (d. Ted V Mikels)
07. Dracula Vs. Frankenstein (1971) (d. Al Adamson)
08: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964) (d. Ray Dennis Steckler)
09. Agent For H.A.R.M. (1966) (d. Gerd Oswald)
10. Lost Continent (1951) (d. Sam Newfield)
11. Agente S03: Operation Atlantis (1965) (d. Domenico Paolella)
12. The Lost City (1935) (d. Harry Revier)
13. Skidoo (1968) (d. Otto Preminger)
14. The Naked Witch (1961) (d. Larry Buchanan/Claude Alexander)
15. Night Train to Mundo Fine/Red Zone Cuba (1966) (d. Coleman Francis)
16: Omoo-Omoo The Shark God (1949) (d. Leon Leonard)
17. Nocturna (1979) (d. Harry Hurwitz)
18. Boggy Creek II: And The Legend Continues (1985) (d. Charles B Pierce)
19. Commando Cody: Sky Marshal of the Universe (1953) (d. Franklin Adreon/Fred C Brannon/Harry Keller)
20. Great Desperate Monster Battle: Diagoro Vs Goliath (1971) (d. Toshihiro Iijima)
21. King Dinosaur (1955) (d. Bert I Gordon)
22. Iron Warrior (1987) (d. Alfonso Bresica)
23. Tentacles (1977) (d. Ovidio G Assonitis)
24. Curse of the Stone Hand (1965) (d. Jerry Warren/Hugo Christensen)
25. Beware! The Blob (1972) (d. Larry Hagman)
26. Fury of the Wolf Man (1972) (d. Jose Maria Zabalza)
27. Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961) (d. Koji Ohta)
28. Space Probe Taurus (1965) (d. Leonard Katzman)
29. Monsters Crash The Pajama Party (1965) (d. David L Hewitt)
30. The Girl From Rio (1969) (d. Jesus Franco)
So what have I learnt this year by watching all these bad movies?
Vampires come from outer space, clones don’t have to be identical, everyone in the deep South spends all day swillin’ beer and huntin’ ‘gators and a mighty warriors needs a great hairdresser.
Just remember to punch the air and sing: “Maybe I’ll fall and maybe I’ll fly… Here I stand! On the Edge of a Dream!”
Happy new year.